Squash It!
By Zach Mural
“I don’t run away from a challenge because I am afraid. Instead, I run towards it because the only way to escape fear is to trample it beneath your foot.”
--Nine-time Olympic medalist Nadia Comaneci
Too often, park and rec or youth-development professionals become inadvertently paralyzed by fear, and programs and participants suffer. While apprehension and fear are perfectly normal feelings, acting to alleviate what frightens us is the only way to ensure that we deliver on the promise we make to every young person enrolled in our programs.
Initially, when I sat down to write this column, I considered several titles; among them was a phrase I frequently use during training (and if I’m being honest, I “borrowed” it from another trainer, who “borrowed” it from another trainer, as frequently is the case), which is “You gotta punch the shark.” I love the phrase and analogy because much like the quotation above, it captures the raw emotion and challenge we are all faced with from time to time when confronted by something that causes all-encompassing anxiety and fear. In the case of an imminent shark attack, a swimmer is not concerned with stroke, water temperature, or anything other than not being “lunch.” And, as terrifying as it may be, the best way to remedy the situation is to stand your ground, face the shark, and punch it squarely in the nose as hard as you can.
Now, let me be perfectly clear, I am NOT advocating that anyone who reads this physically punches or in any other way assaults another person. But I do want to point out that there are times when certain situations, relationships, or individuals are analogous to a shark, and if not dealt with promptly and effectively, we become singularly focused on fear and anxiety and lose the ability to do the work that is required.
Now, I know the vast majority of readers work with programs far from the deep blue sea and any threat from actual sharks. That being said, let’s look at a few examples of “sharks” that are fairly typical in park and rec settings and how to effectively deal with them.
Land Shark #1—The Big Stage
One of the most common, and oftentimes completely overwhelming, situations a youth worker may face is an impending presentation, performance, or request to deliver something outside of one’s comfort zone. For example, a summer camp counselor might find himself in a position where he is asked to lead an assembly in front of the entire camp community—including his peers. For some, this is an exciting opportunity to be the star of the show, while for others it brings up memories of previous embarrassments and slip-ups and causes debilitating anxiety. In the case of the latter, the counselor quickly becomes mentally consumed with fear, doubt, and concern about the impending event and is unable (quite literally) to think about anything else.
As a supervisor, it is incumbent to know staff members, and to do what is practical to set them up to succeed. Not every staff member can or should be asked to be the center of attention. Likewise, if we ask someone on our team to perform a task, we need to be prepared to give him or her the time, tools, and support necessary to do well. For some, this might just involve encouragement; for others, they may need to be given opportunities to practice in less consequential settings; and for a particular group it might mean finding other avenues to use their skills. Understanding which person belongs to which group and doing everything to support staff members will go a long way in avoiding the creation of unnecessary angst and fear.
Land Shark #2—The Co-Worker
Another potential “shark” in a professional park and rec environment is a personal conflict between staff members. The conflict could be professional in nature, such as strong disagreement about the best means to an end, or personal, such as conflicting values, personalities, or a bad social relationship. Regardless of the issue, if one or both of the staff members has strong negative personal feelings about a co-worker, their mere presence can become overwhelming.
Again, the onus is on us—as supervisors—to create an environment and boundaries that prevent and limit the likelihood of these types of situations from arising. It starts with hiring and building a team that shares a belief in a program or organization’s core mission. If staff members see the ultimate goal of the program very differently, problems are likely to ensue. Once members are selected, it is imperative to give some thought to the differences in styles, personalities, and chemistry, and if necessary provide training and support for the skills needed to work with a diverse team. Finally, it is important to have established boundaries and policies that explicitly address intrapersonal relationships, what is and is not expected outside of the workplace, and the potential ramifications of violating the established policies. The unfortunate reality is that, at times, soured personal relationships can become toxic in a professional setting, and it is generally best to be proactive to avoid this type of situation.
Land Shark #3—The Disgruntled Adult
Perhaps no type of “shark” can be more intimidating and debilitating than the chronically negative or upset adult (parent or participant). When someone is dissatisfied with a member of the team or an element of a program, particularly if that person believes he or she has been treated unfairly or wronged, that person can and frequently will spread discord and create upheaval. In an ideal situation, you as a supervisor are able to address the concern, and everyone moves on together. Unfortunately, in certain situations you may not be able to remedy the issue (either because the concern is outside your scope of control or because a request would interfere with other participants or overburden a team). In these instances, often the best path forward (and yes, it is a HARD decision and conversation to have) is to part ways with the individual. In the past, I have had to ask parents to no longer pick up their child because of their comments and behavior towards staff members. On other occasions, I have refunded an adult’s fee and asked that the person look elsewhere to pursue individual goals. In both instances the conversations were difficult but ultimately necessary to ensure that my team works towards serving all of the participants in the program without fear of being maligned or constantly disparaged.
Safety = Opportunity
Regardless of whether we’re talking about actual sharks or their analogous counterparts, ignoring them is not an option. Whenever an individual feels extreme fear or anxiety, he or she becomes unable to invest the energy or efforts anywhere other than the source of the concern. As park and rec or youth-program professionals, we can’t hide our heads in the sand or put dealing with these types of significant concerns off if our programs are going to succeed. Yes, running towards and confronting our fears is difficult, but it is the only way to squash them and ultimately have the freedom and energy to pursue our greater goals.
Dr. Zachary Mural is an executive-level leader, youth-development professional, and father. He holds a Ph.D. in Educational Psychology, is the owner of Youth Development Consulting, is VP of Education for The Minnieland Academy Family of Schools in Northern Virginia, and is an ExpertOnlineTraining faculty member. If you have questions or comments, or would like to discuss a possible workshop or training, visit Youthdevelopmentconsulting.com.