Yes, You Do
Stop lying to yourself and step up to the plate
By Ron Ciancutti
Now in its eleventh season, The NFL Today television show precedes the weekly Sunday 1 p.m. football game with five men who exchange predictions, status reports, and game scores. Most of the hosts are former football players and coaches, and their knowledge gives viewers an inside track on issues that matter to the game. The “anchors” of the staff are Phil Simms, former New York Giants quarterback, and James Brown, a Harvard graduate as well as a long-time sportscaster and commentator.
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Over the years, the balance of the Sunday crew has changed, but the style of the show is simple and conversational, basic “man banter.” The guys tease each other, discuss the previous week’s predictions, and basically create a comfortable atmosphere that seemingly invites the viewer into the discussion.
When Bill Cowher came aboard after a distinguished career as head coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers, he added an element of “frankness” to the show that had been typical of his “no-nonsense” coaching style. Fans of the show seemed to appreciate his short and sweet evaluations of others’ opinions. Comments like “not really” or “I disagree” became common and often the source of laughter, eye-rolling, and head-shaking. One simply couldn’t get away with an errant comment while meticulous Cowher was at the table. He would call anyone out and make them “back up” their position with facts.
Years later, as the show gained popularity, Brown was noticeably losing weight. He had become rather husky over the early years, so the sudden change in appearance was instantly visible. People wrote into the show inquiring whether he was sick or going through some issues at home. As he became thinner and thinner and the letters poured in, he felt the need to clarify. On the air, he said he had been intending to lose some weight for a while but could never find the right program or diet. Then, with a smile, he admitted he asked Cowher how it was that he remained so trim over the years. Brown recalled that, one day, while he and Cowher were waiting to go on the air, he asked him, “Bill, how do you do it? I try and try to lose the pounds and fail every time. I don’t know what to do!”
With that, Cowher, in his typical, low-key fashion, smiled, took a breath, turned to him, and said three simple words, “Yes, you do.”
Struck by his frankness, Brown had nothing else to say. Cowher was right. It wasn’t a mystery. Anyone who wants to lose weight must eat less and exercise. There’s no secret, no hidden key—one simply has to do it. Brown admitted that those three words basically changed his view on many things.
Silence The Inner Voice
It’s simply a matter of being honest and not making the excuses most people make when they really don’t want to put in the work or approach a problem that is uncomfortable. People need to learn when and how to push that inner voice aside—the one that lets them off the hook.
Some examples:
It’s time to ask for a promotion at work.
(Voice) No, I’ll risk losing my job if I aggravate them. I can’t take that chance.
You should ask that girl out. I know you like her.
(Voice) No, she’s out of my league. I’d embarrass myself by saying anything to her.
I really should put enough money aside to save for a down payment on a house. We’re going to be stuck paying rent forever.
(Voice) It’s impossible.
I know I would make a great realtor.
(Voice) Who has the time though to go through the schooling and training program? I’m way too busy.
The person I’m with is holding me back. If I could get on my own, I could really do something with my life.
(Voice) Our lives are so tangled up in each other’s that I can’t imagine doing all the work involved with leaving.
Do any of these statements strike a chord? It’s a combination of procrastination, laziness, and fear of flying alone. There’s so much we could do if we would simply muster the gumption to get up and go.
Get To Work
Now, here’s the irony. We tell those around us to push forward, find the energy, and make a difference. Our aging parents, our growing children, our employees … all of them constantly hear us say encouraging words to motivate them. Yet, most of the time, we are unable to do it for ourselves.
Now it’s imperative to find a way to pull these “back-burner” issues to the front of the stove where the flame is high, and get things done.
In its simplest terms, here’s what I’m asking you to do—don’t lie to yourself.
Here’s what I do. First, I write the issue down at the top of a page and describe it in the simplest terms. Here’s a simple example to illustrate the flow of the method:
The person I sit next to at work has the worst breath imaginable, and this distraction is affecting my work performance.
Then I describe the issue and any hesitations surrounding it because it’s an uncomfortable topic.
I can’t say anything or he’ll be insulted, and I work with him every day.
But it’s affecting our communication because I’m starting to avoid him.
I’m sure others have noticed the problem.
I need to find a way to broach the topic and hope he catches on.
Then I pose solutions.
Maybe I can bring up the topic and tell him how “a friend” has the same issue, and his girlfriend finally told him, with drastic results. This might get my colleague to recognize the problem in himself.
Maybe I can just tell him man-to-man.
Maybe I can make a big deal of it personally and brush my teeth at work, or put a bottle of mouthwash in the men’s bathroom. Perhaps he would catch on. Others may even benefit.
Of these three solutions, the third one sounds the most effective, with the least amount of potential harm.
So, I employ the notion of making him realize his problem without insulting him, and he hopefully changes his ways.
So what happens then?
“I don’t know what to do about my workmate’s halitosis” becomes “Yes, you do.”
Ron Ciancutti worked in the parks and recreation industry since he was 16 years old, covering everything from maintenance, operations, engineering, surveying, park management, design, planning, recreation, and finance. He is now retired. He holds a B.S. in Business from Bowling Green State University and an M.B.A. from Baldwin Wallace University. He is not on Facebook, but he can be reached at ron@northstarpubs.com.