Gathering Trophies
Making democracy work in a sensitive yet stable manner
By Ron Ciancutti
“The overriding problem with our world in general is that we are, in large part, managed by incompetents. Most of these are men who have spent their lives seeking power rather than themselves. Consequently, we are confronted with the grotesque spectacle of working for childish figures—half-baked little generals with overblown egos and no more understanding of the search for meaning than some primitive, base organism spending its time feeding on the lives and feelings of others—as they play shell games with other people’s destinies.”
Robert James Waller
Author of “The Bridges of Madison County”
Photo: © Can Stock Photo / Dashek
Gathering, gathering, I was always gathering. Plaques, awards, photos, trophies, essays with big red As on them, a book I liked, a poem that meant something. I had a box, then two, then a closet shelf and then a closet. Now, at 60, I have a house filled with my gatherings as well as those of my wife and children. Why am I holding on to all these symbols? In case they build a museum to me and need artifacts? Don’t see that happening. I guess it’s my meager way to try to hold onto all the good things that seem to slip away faster now than they ever did. But reliving memories, no matter how sweet, is like trying to pray. I start out earnestly but drift off into other thoughts almost immediately, and the more firmly I try to concentrate, the looser my grip becomes. My best memories are flashes of singular moments in my life.
Snapshots In Time
I remember the first time I really kissed a girl. I was in eighth grade. We were selling Christmas trees for Student Council after school, and after I made a sale I went inside a tent to give her, the treasurer, the money, and when I did, she kissed me and said, “Good job.” That rush of surprise, the smell of her cherry ChapStick, the burning of my red face—I remember it like yesterday. See, memories don’t stick around long, like in a movie; they are just a sensation more than anything else. When my youngest son was born, he looked right at me as the doctor brought him into the world. Bang! Memory. Stored/Noted. It’s like taking a snapshot.
I got the promotion! Bang!
They accepted our offer on the house. Boom!
Dad’s been taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Bam!
I do! Clang!
There are so many moments, and so many snapshots in my albums. And then there are so many albums—husband, father, son, friend, brother, boss, winner, loser, lucky guy, etc.
The Game Never Ends
So, back to the opening quotation that includes the line, “seeking power rather than themselves.” I consider my collection of atta-boy icons (trophies, etc.) and their waning importance to me. I think about the things I sought as a young man, an older man, a senior. Did I gain the wisdom necessary to navigate a complete life, beginning to end? Of all I learned, the seeking of oneself really has no end. There is no spiking the football in the endzone while one is still alive. The victory dance will always be premature because the game is not over until it’s over.
And maybe that’s the key to all of this.
The fact is that those who have failed believed at some point they could quit trying. They said to themselves and the world, “Well, I’m retired now” or “I raised my kids already” or “After I lost my job, I stopped caring about anything.” Those are not reasons to quit. They are excuses. And excuses don’t play any better or cleaner when we are old than they did when we were young.
I think a man has to live as though God’s eyes are always upon him. The obligations of being a parent, husband, son, friend, etc. are there to keep a man in line. So deadbeat dads who deny their children the money and things they deserve, as well as neglectful children who ignore their aging parents, are not seeking the best of themselves; they are trying to legitimize their selfishness because that’s really all it is. So why should we be surprised when we hear of cheating and lying men in power? Without a conscience, these men’s actions are simply more acts of indulgence. These men think they deserve what they have. I disagree. No one has a thing like that coming to him. No one deserves such grace. I think we get out what we put in, and the breadth of that is up to us.
Carry On With Confidence
What is called “a life worth living” can’t be “phoned in” to be realized. We need to participate, and sometimes that’s very uncomfortable. Asking for a raise or promotion can be difficult if we don’t really feel we deserve it. But if we believe we are justified and know that others around us believe we are justified, that request should be honored, and we should present it just that way. Not groveling or begging, but pointing out the value of our contribution and frankly being ready to move on if we are denied. Not as a threat but as a true assessment of our value. We want others to believe, so we must show that we do already.
If we’re uncomfortable with the kid who is dating our daughter, we better let him know and her, too. If we need to lay down some rules, we better be prepared for some resistance but that’s too bad because it comes with the job. I realized one day as I dropped my 16-year-old daughter off at her “boyfriend’s” house that his parents were not home. He said they were shopping and would be home any minute. I said that was fine, got my newspaper, and sat down at his kitchen table. My daughter and her friend began watching television and whispering uncomfortably to each other. An hour later his parents returned home. I smiled and left, reminding my daughter I would be back to pick her up in a few hours. His parents smiled knowingly at me, and the incident was never discussed. I was just doing my job. A lot can happen in an hour—especially at 16. Am I delusional enough to think I could always come up with the counter-move to block their attempts to be alone? No. But the things I CAN control, I’m going too.
A Leader Of Grace
I stumble through life just the same as any other man. I do my best and try to live a life that others will respect. Is my life impacted by the leaders of this world who make decisions and pass laws that don’t always reflect the things I want and need? You bet. But I’m going to make darn sure my family and I will find exceptions to the rules and other opportunities to compensate accordingly. I’ll never defy the law, but I am absolutely required to interpret it favorably and find a way to make legal things work for me.
And that which I cannot control? The extremes? A potential food shortage? I’m going to stock up accordingly. Power outages? I’ve a good, strong generator and a month’s worth of fuel to maintain the life we now live. Weather threats? I have copies of all my important papers and policies in a fireproof, waterproof box that’s easily accessible in case of emergencies. My extended family has all been informed of a pre-selected spot where we would meet in case we ever had to suddenly leave our homes. Moments I’d rather not consider, yet things I must as the leader of a large family.
So, there is a time and place for gathering accomplishments and memories, and I treasure each one. But there are realities in life that I am obliged to prepare for and people I have pledged to protect. They are my real trophies, and no political agenda or politician making empty promises is going to intercede on my behalf. I urge all of the readers to take a similar inventory, comply with the law in every way, and allow this great democracy to serve its citizenry as it was always intended—with God’s grace shining upon us.
Ron Ciancutti worked in the parks and recreation industry since he was 16 years old, covering everything from maintenance, operations, engineering, surveying, park management, design, planning, recreation, and finance. He is now retired. He holds a B.S. in Business from Bowling Green State University and an M.B.A. from Baldwin Wallace University. He is not on Facebook, but he can be reached at ron@northstarpubs.com.