Don’t Stop
Everyone deserves an opportunity to share their opinions
By Ron Ciancutti
Walking home from the third grade one day, I got into a scuffle with another kid. It happened right in front of my family’s home, so Mom saw everything from the front window. She told my sister to run out and tell me, “Don’t. Stop.”
Photo: © Can Stock Photo / anitapatterson
My sister bounded down the front steps and shoved her way through the gathering crowd and said, “Hey! Mom said, ‘Don’t stop!’”
I looked at her quizzically and thought, “Mom wants me to keep fighting?” So I threw another hay-maker and got a bloody one back, and a moment later there was Mom frantically separating us. As she sent my opponent home (thank God, because he was winning), she asked, “Didn’t you hear what I told your sister?”
“Yeah,” I protested. “You said ‘Don’t stop.’” Mom shook her head, “No, I said ‘Don’t! Stop!’”
I was too young to hire a lawyer, and thinking back, I probably just dismissed it as one of those things kids are told, but don’t understand yet. Wow, what a lesson.
I’ve witnessed this phenomenon of misunderstanding throughout my life and am still amazed at the impact that conjecture, context, and semantics can have on a moment.
Later that year a friend asked why my sisters and I went to public school instead of to Catholic schoo since my mom was the organist at the church. I asked my mom and she said that, at the time, she and Dad didn’t “believe in” Catholic schools offering anything better than the public schools. I went back to my buddy and said my parents didn’t believe Catholic schools were really there. They didn’t “believe in” them. One day, as we drove past the local Catholic school, I said, “Hey, Ma, whether you believe it or not, there’s the Catholic school.” Again, it took some explaining to make her son—who took what she said way too literally—understand, but as the years passed, it remained a funny family story.
A Wider Lens
Today, I’m a lot older and a little wiser, and what I am told I tend to noodle on with a keener sense, but it seems what I hear and what I am told still often differ greatly. Some things never change. The people who reach my ears with the greatest frequency these days include politicians, reporters, elders, children, doctors, and a variety of peripheral noise makers.
From what I hear:
OX news condemns CNN.
CNN condemns FOX.
Pro-vaxxers detest those who are not inoculated against COVID-19.
The anti-jab group says the vaccine is ineffective and dangerous.
Kids get away with murder on a cell phone because adults can’t figure out what they are doing.
Remedies and medical nuances are recommended day and night on television, but the side-effect list at the end of the commercial sounds far more dangerous than the condition one is trying to treat.
The “take away” for me is why are we so dependent on others’ opinions to form our own? See, I live in a sort of careful bubble that is devoid of a lot of trust outside of what I can control. I’m afraid to put my bills on auto-pay. I’m afraid to set my phone numbers to auto-dial. What if there’s a power outage and my bill goes unpaid? I won’t know until the next billing cycle, which would only automatically pay the due part, not the past due part. And what if my dead phone battery forces me to use another phone to call someone? I can’t hit the automatic dial so I have to know the number. So, currently, I direct-dial most of my calls. It’s good mental practice anyway. Automation is not foolproof. Once, I was a speaker at a guest lecture; two other speakers had their programs on a PowerPoint screen presentation. Since their lectures followed the cues on the screen, they were unable to present when the computer had technical difficulties. My screen presentation enhanced my lecture but was not dependent on it. I had practiced using a few note cards. As a result, I was given the full hour and was able to do a 40-minute, question-and-answer session after my 20-minute speech. The session was very lively and interesting; people love to talk more than to be talked at. That’s what I’ve come to know after many years of observation, evaluation, and application (the best way to learn).
Find Your Voice
When I see a man walking his dog outside, and the man’s not wearing a mask, I don’t immediately put my mask on. I need to think it through. Is it any of my business if the man is happier with his mask on? Nope. Live and let live. But, just as well, I don’t have to do as he does if I am happy as I am. So, if I choose to go without a mask in my own car, why should I feel pressured to do differently if I get a dirty look from the driver in the next car? My point is that my preference matters. I should collect all I have heard, step back, look it over, and decide. Not because I was told. Not because it was mandated. But because I decided.
The indifference I see on teenage faces these days frightens me when it comes to decision-making. To decide is to care about the outcome and that seems to me to be the biggest casualty out there. And friends, if we are unable to sustain caring, we have a bigger problem than we may realize.
Show You Care
This country was founded by people who cared. People’s goals and dreams all over this land come from caring about their children, their elders, their peers, and yes, themselves and wanting to do better—continuous improvement to build well-lit stages for their dreams.
Caring for ourselves evokes pride, and while many of us Americans are still proud, we must ensure that remains strong so we continually inspire this nation to be the leader it was forged to be. If we are to capture the essence of the still-breathing American dream, we must get the words right and make them clear. Our nation needs us now, and we shouldn’t shy away from making that commitment. Don’t muffle the message now. We’ve come too far, so don’t stop until it is right.
Ron Ciancutti worked in the parks and recreation industry since he was 16 years old, covering everything from maintenance, operations, engineering, surveying, park management, design, planning, recreation, and finance. He is now retired. He holds a B.S. in Business from Bowling Green State University and an M.B.A. from Baldwin Wallace University. He is not on Facebook, but he can be reached at ron@northstarpubs.com.