Coping, Complaining, Or Caring

May 27

How you handle yourself amid this crisis speaks volumes

By Ron Ciancutti

A trip to Italy was always part of my retirement plan. When I finally put in the time, my wife and I would take a year to get our financial world in order and then head to Europe for at least a few weeks. That plan is on the back burner now because of the coronavirus and may be for a considerable time. It doesn’t seem very wise to travel as the world has been impacted by so many changes. But I refuse to lament about a lack of tourism while the actual citizens of these beautiful countries are dying every day. I have no right to complain.

In fact, I find myself re-evaluating the importance of many things and what that implies.

A New Focus

Will this situation cause a new focus on the “NOW,” with many youth unconcerned about elements in the future, like:

• Home ownership

• Investment plans

• Big families

• New cars and appliances

• Marriage

• Employment

• Unemployment.

The ethical creed I was raised on was a combination of theories from parents, coaches, teachers, and grandparents, who lamented the wise benefits of saving for better things; depriving oneself in the moment so one could count on the magic of a “one day soon” payoff. Therefore, to become a man who provides, I had to be a stand-up guy who was always willing to deprive himself. Former Chicago Bears running back Gale Sayers co-wrote his autobiography (with Al Silverman) entitled I Am Third. He said, “My Lord and Savior comes first, my family and friends are second, and I am third.”

Are we still able to find young men and women like this one when the world has just finished reminding us that the time here on earth is short, that any day now our world could end, so why spend time giving to others when we might not have long ourselves?

We’ve all heard the term “social contract,” the set of morals and values that keeps things decent between us. Due to the social contract, we don’t cross the yellow line into oncoming traffic on a two-way street. The social contract holds the door for the elderly and makes us shovel the snow in front of our house where people walk their dogs. But how easily could we give up this silent agreement if the world got more selfish and “ME-oriented”? I have seen my share of examples.

The use of manners has been the first thing to go. Not just forgetting our “please” and “thank-you” obligations but down-right belligerent behavior. Some of the less-glamorous stories from the front lines of this disease include fist fights over toilet paper, overturned wheelchairs and walkers, and a general lack of cooperative spirit. Weeks into this challenge, I was still saddened to see presidential press conferences littered with questions from the press corps about who knew what when. Finding some inner reward through innuendo and accusation, as if blaming someone, including previous administrations, had any value now. The barn door was left open, folks, and the animals are out; finding and assigning blame gets us nowhere. As with the days that followed September 11, 2001, our collective focus should be about resolving issues, not finger-pointing. What I do see, in a more favorable light, is that the people tackling these problems are trying very hard to do exactly what’s needed in a short time. I’m encouraged when I hear about people delivering extra masks and supplies to nearby hospitals if people have overstock and better resources; sharing them is the American way. I truly hope our better days are ahead and that brotherly love—on a global scale—will rule the day. It is my fervent prayer.

Now, it’s time to put your money where your mouth is. All those years you said you wished you had a little time to:

• Enjoy time with the family

• Finish building that rec room

• Catch up with an overdue call to family and friends

• Put your retirement plan and insurance plans in order

• Empty that garage, basement, or attic

• Resolve the unresolved things in your life.

Well, you have no excuse now. You’ve been given a mandatory time-out from the world. It is critical to make this time productive. And while you are at it, remember to count your blessings (there are many).

Be Grateful And Give Thanks

I’ve written many times about my father-in-law who was raised in war-torn France and Italy. I have shared his stories with you over the years, and maybe now they have more meaning when faced with the thought of having to do without some of the “luxuries” of life.

Whenever he took a shower, he humbly thanked God for the privilege of hot water and a clean towel.

I worked for the same company for 36 years, and every Sunday after the family dinner he would ask, “Do you work tomorrow, Ron?” I would always nod yes, whereupon he would lean to one of my children and whisper, “See? Your daddy has a good job.”

When the children received a significant gift (first bike, soccer ball, Easter dress), he would pull the kids aside and remind them to take good care of their things—hang up that nice dress, wash that ball after playing, and lock that bike up at night. He felt a powerful calling in reminding them of the value of material things and maintaining what they had.

One of his most endearing traits occurred when the evening was over and the endless kissing-goodbye ritual started. It was incredibly important to him that no one was missed. He’d find the youngest grandchildren and walk around with them saying, “Did you kiss your Nana?” “Did you say goodnight to your uncle and his wife?” “Did your cousin get a hug? She loves you very much!” And, not until the kids began to protest, ‘YES, PAPA, I KISSED EVERYBODY,” would he desist. Then he would act surprised, “Oh! You did? OK.”

The effects of the coronavirus are only beginning to be known, and I have a feeling it will be years before it all plays out, but please know we have the option to learn a lot about ourselves and each other right now. I guess it’s up to us to decide if it’s tragic … or maybe a gift.

Ron Ciancutti worked in the parks and recreation industry since he was 16 years old, covering everything from maintenance, operations, engineering, surveying, park management, design, planning, recreation, and finance. He is now retired. He holds a B.S. in Business from Bowling Green State University and an M.B.A. from Baldwin Wallace University. He is not on Facebook, but he can be reached at ron@northstarpubs.com.