What It Means To Forgive

By Ron Ciancutti

She was just doing her job as she had for years, driving a bus for the local transit authority. She was looking forward to a quiet evening at home with her family—wondering what she would make for dinner and whether there was something good on television that night. As the day lengthened, she pulled up to an intersection—one that was rarely busy at that hour—and rolled through a stop sign just like many people have done a million times, but this time a 69-year-old grandmother was in the intersection and the bus hit her squarely, sending her to the ground. In semi-shock, the driver jumped from the bus and saw blood pooling in the street. Her knees buckled, she called 911, and responders were on-site in minutes. Three weeks later, the grandmother died in the hospital. Her children and grandchildren filled the pews at her funeral and wept at their loss.

The driver was charged accordingly, and despite her quiet, reserved ways, she asked permission to speak to the family and apologize; though she hoped to find some peace, there was none. Restless nights and days looped on an endless videotape in her head, playing the whole scene over and over. She was unable to eat, drink, or sleep; her body was simply beating itself up through guilt and regret. Members of the victim’s family asked to speak to the judge and begged for leniency. They didn’t see any advantage to locking up one grandmother to compensate for the death of another.

At the sentencing, she turned to the family and apologized in some of the most gut-wrenching, sad-beyond-words anyone would ever witness. By the end of her speech, she was grabbing her sides in pain from the sobs and gasps it took to get her through the self-imposed penance.

And then it came to rest, and those around her blinked away tears. At the mercy requested by the family, the judge took her license for a year and gave her probation and public-service requirements instead of time in jail. He wept as well for what was probably the sincerest act of simultaneous sorrow, regret, mercy, and kindness he had ever heard in his courtroom.

You see, folks, it wasn’t about justice for someone who neglected her duties, and that neglect caused a death. It was about someone making a mistake and knowing that we have made plenty. It was about simple forgiveness and the many times we have needed just that. It was about accepting what was irreversible, assessing what good could come out of it, and doing the right thing all around—a spirit of cooperation, a gesture of mercy, and a lesson of love.

So much of life could be more palatable if we all acted this way and worked towards mutually agreeable solutions instead of taking polar-opposite positions. What if we started by recognizing problems that can be avoided and finding common ground in solutions that offer win-wins whenever possible? An entire change in culture would be needed, but that could be so beneficial.

A Common Example
Let’s say there is a group demonstrating and picketing for some improvements in the local school system. The members get petitions signed and find a way to get their request on the ballot. “More money is needed to improve the schools.”

I would challenge the picketers to do the following:

1.      Demonstrate the exact layout of financial needs. Is it textbooks? How much are they and how many are needed? Is it classroom repairs? What is needed—paint, lighting, air-conditioning? Exactly what will it cost?

2.      Hold a brainstorming session that discusses which of the needed items could be delayed and/or replaced with something else. When brainstorming, there is no such thing as a wrong idea. Everything is on the table because sometimes the silliest comment spawns a completely different thought. There was once a Mickey Mouse cartoon where a sunken ship was raised by filling it with Ping Pong balls. Years later, a real-life ship was raised by filling giant canvas balloons inside a boat, based on the same technique. One of the ship’s mates suggested it after seeing the cartoon. Never disqualify anything in a brainstorming session. And don’t talk about costs. Just open your mind.

3.      Identify potential political influences and suggest ways to eliminate them.

4.      Host evenings of raw input from:

• Kids
• Parents
• Teachers
• All of the above.

5.      Summarize all the solutions and suggestions (silly and real) on one giant list. Review what previous administrations have done right or wrong, or before technology advances drove ideas.

6.      Look around and tap into districts that have had success and visit them to pursue those ideas. Check in with users (parents/students) and demonstrate some of the potential solutions. Listen to what they say and how they react.

7.      Consider doing a reenactment of what previous “antiquated” people might have done and play it out so you really comprehend where the proposed solution takes you.

Now, compile the results and see if merely throwing money at the idea really fixes things, or maybe there are enough supporting issues to get the desired improvements. I bet the combination of new solutions mixed in with the desire for more money will accomplish a lot more than just cash. Now, with involvement from the community as well as support from voter/taxpayers who like to see where their dollars are going, you have exercises in co-opting ideas that may be used in the future for other community issues. You have fostered a spirit of cooperation with credibility that makes people feel good about themselves and the community they represent.

Congratulations. You have just knitted a neighborhood together and embodied the true meaning of forgiveness.

Ron Ciancutti has worked in the parks and recreation industry since he was 16 years old, covering everything from maintenance, operations, engineering, surveying, park management, design, planning, recreation, and finance. He holds a B.S. in Business from Bowling Green State University and an M.B.A. from Baldwin Wallace University. He has held his current position as Director of Procurement since 1990. He is not on Facebook, but he can be reached at ron@northstarpubs.com.