Creating Positive Experiences
Remain focused on what really matters in youth sports (hint: it’s not the score)
By John Engh
Photos: Nays
“Yes, I was upset over a bad call, but I would never fistfight anyone in front of kids! I will stand up for my team 10/10 times, and you tell me one coach who wouldn’t.” This quote is from a recent article on another alarming youth-sports incident—this one involving as many as a dozen parents and coaches fighting on a baseball field full of 5- and 6-year-old T-ball players in Kentucky. And, of course, there was a championship on the line!
First Impressions
This article reminded me of my first experience with T-ball. No, it’s not some great memory about getting my first hit or scoring a run to win the game. Does anyone really remember playing T-ball? I remember some car rides with my family and friends, and a couple of faint memories about my teams, but nothing really stands out. I am talking about my first experience with T-ball as a dad!
Now, I should begin by saying that this was a bit of an undercover boss situation. After all, I was going to sign my son up at one of the first organizations to ever require coach training, using our organization’s program. The league had been a member organization for more than 20 years at the time. So, I was not only acting as a dad, but also was interested in to see how (and if) what I did for a living was making a real difference.
While I heard some encouraging comments about the training from some initial skeptics, the real challenges were something different altogether. I feel that people my age—now over 50—have grown up watching a shift in the youth-sports landscape. When I was “Little League” age, baseball and most other sports were about fun, recreation, and, hopefully, along the way, developing the skills and desire to continue playing. The real competition didn’t begin until one entered school sports. About 20 years ago, it all began to change when young kids were encouraged to play only one sport and play it as long as possible. Sure, there were all-stars, but that was at the end of the season. Now, all-stars are recognized year-round on hand-picked teams that travel from tournament to tournament.
So, back to that first experience 20 years ago as a dad. My 6-year-old son had shown a little interest in playing catch and hitting Whiffle balls in the front yard. As a lifelong fan of the game that I had played through high school, I was really excited to sign him up for the spring season. In 2006 I went with him to register in-person and offer my services as a volunteer coach. After a short wait, I met a volunteer mom who was excited to see me until I gave her the news that this would be my son’s first organized baseball experience and I was willing to coach. Immediately, as I am certain she was instructed to do, she called to her husband, who introduced himself as the league president. What I thought was going to be a “welcome and we are glad you are willing to volunteer” greeting quickly turned to a discussion about me and my son coming back in the fall for the recreational season. I was shocked. The man and his wife smiled and said I was welcome to sign up, but the league was very intense in the spring, and some parents are disappointed when their kids don’t play as much as parents think they should. What a great first impression! I signed us up anyway, and we managed a successful season, but they were right—it was intense!
Polishing Policies
What made that first experience hit home was the realization that the decision to approach parents in that way was not made by a qualified youth-sports administrator. It was made by a parent who had the desire to make up for the experiences he was lacking in his own past, and, yes, as it turned out, his own failures playing baseball.
Unfortunately, these issues have been around for a long time, and it usually takes bad incidents to prompt change. In the above article, the town in Kentucky decided to change its policies and not keep score for 5- and 6-year-old T-ball anymore.
As professional youth-sports administrators, take the time to review all policies and keep them up-to-date. Be proactive and make sure all volunteers and parents understand the policies. If not, this can be a huge hinderance in dealing with incidents like the one described above. If you don’t think it can happen in your town, well, that’s the first quote from a parent or league official in an article describing a violent act at a youth-sports event: “You would never think something like that would happen here!”
John Engh is executive director of the National Alliance for Youth Sports (NAYS) in West Palm Beach, Fla. He can be reached via email at jengh@nays.org. To join more than 3,000 communities by starting a NAYS Member Organization, visit www.nays.org, email nays@nays.org or call (800) 729-2057.